When I travel down to
Vancouver from Kamloops, which is more often these days, thanks to a
very special woman I've come to adore, the drive back from the coast
is always an interesting one. I get thinking about how different the
musical environment is in Vancouver as compared to Kamloops. And I
get thinking how it affects my job in radio. I'm often struck by the
enthusiasm that comes back into me as I drive back, how I've
rediscovered my love for the career I've chose.
And, there's often an
undercurrent of pessimism too, but not because I'm coming back to
Kamloops from the “Big City”. Rather the opposite. I love
Kamloops and the feel of the small city. I like Vancouver's hustle
and energy, but it would overwhelm me if I lived there. I can take it
in small doses, but a city the size of Kamloops is really where I
want to be.
The best thing about
music in Vancouver is, that if I want something, I can usually find
it. Plus, just looking for what I want leads me to more finds that I
didn't even know I wanted. More times than not, I've walked into a
store not knowing what I'd find and walk out with 20 disks that I
know I'd love. And the people there know their music. In Kamloops, I
might be able to find a person or two that knows and is passionate
about The Pixies, but in Vancouver, I can talk to the clerk about
Bibio and he knows their work, listened to it and can tell me what
they have in stock. That same clerk can often talk about The
Ketamines, Merzbow and Dave Edmunds in the same conversation. That's
a person after my own heart. But, that type of personality has the
darker and more cynical edge of the hipster to it. Someone who knows
everything and is eager to let you know that they know everything. Or
they like what you're buying, but they have that album in a better
condition, or on a more obscure imprint. That sort of thing.
This happens when I
listen to campus radio in Vancouver too. Often, the presenters are
informed, a bit rough around the edges and eager to share what they
know, not due to the hipster urge (though that does exist in campus
radio, big time), but for the betterment of their local scene. Some
of the programming is good, some bad, but it's all trying to achieve
the same thing. Then, when I look at my own work in radio, I get that
strange push-pull. One, a desire to keep doing what I'm doing,
pushing programming in new directions and teaching those who want to
learn radio how to do what I do. And two, the sneaking suspicion that
I'm not doing enough to push myself.
Let me explain a bit.
I run an experimental music show. I think I do a pretty good job of
it. Experimental music isn't a genre of music, but an approach to
music. To make it challenging, to make music outside of the norm of
what is considered music. Music that's atonal, arhythmic, noisy,
abrasive, difficult. But, comparing my show to something that runs in
Vancouver makes me wonder if I'm pushing my own show enough, pushing
myself enough to really make the show something that's unique. I have
a feeling if, somehow, I packed up my own show and put it on the air
in Vancouver, I don't think it would fly because it doesn't push the
envelope enough. I try to introduce my audience to things they
wouldn't normally be exposed to, and push the idea of music as
something that should be challenging. But sometimes I wonder if
that's enough.
But then I think,
well, why should I compare it to what's going on in Vancouver? There
might be a half dozen people doing what I do in Vancouver (and maybe
pushing the idea a bit farther than I am), but I'm the only one doing
it here. And, let's face it, Kamloops isn't Vancouver. What flies
here wouldn't necessarily fly there and vice-versa, and that can be a
good thing. I might not be pushing the envelope to what they do in
Vancouver, but it's plenty for here. Kamloops is nowhere near as
urbane as Vancouver. Often, our station is playing stuff here that,
to me, sounds pretty tame, but for a Kamloops audience, it sounds
pretty revolutionary. But, any type of radio that exposes your
listener to something new is a good thing.
I remember a friend of
mine asking me once, back when I was doing my English degree, “You
ever feel like you're faking it and everyone can tell?” It's a
question that's stuck with me for some reason. It's the curse of the
intelligent, of the aware, constantly second guessing ourselves. How
do I know what I know and how do I know it? The constant verification
of “Do I really know what I know?” and looking it up to make sure
it's right. The second guessing to make sure you're good enough.
That's where the expression “True wisdom comes from knowing you
don't know anything” comes from. It's not about being better, or
being perfect, but living with yourself, with your own abilities.
Pushing yourself to be better, not to be in competition with others,
but pushing yourself to be better.Am I being too philosophical? Who
knows. I know that Vancouver tends to get a mix of feelings from
coming back from there, and it drives me to try harder and be better,
which is always good in my book.
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